Posts tagged: philosophy

Responsibility in Readings and Life

I received an email the other day from a desperate person.

I get a great deal of email from people who have read my books and who stop by my website. Most of these folks are interested in my work as a clairvoyant medium, and they often write with questions about the afterlife, their passed over loved ones, etc. If these are general questions, I do try to answer each email personally with something that will prove helpful. After all, the person took the time to write to me–the least I can do is try to honor them by responding in some way. If I don’t know the answer to a question, I’ll tell them that and then try to point them in a beneficial direction. The only types of questions I won’t answer in unsolicited emails are those that are personal questions about the sender’s life. I gently tell these folks that I am a professional reader and that I’m happy to give them a reading if they’d like to go to my website and order one. Most of the time, I never hear from them again. More than likely, they’re just interested in receiving a free reading, and that’s fine. I do my share of work pro bono throughout the year, so I don’t feel guilty telling folks that they need to pay for my services.

But this particular email was different. Without going into too many specific details (which would be a breech of trust), the sender wrote that s/he had seen me in the past for a reading, and I had predicted a happy future for her/his love life. The sender currently has a committed partner and was quite content in the relationship. However, s/he recently saw another psychic, and that psychic had nothing but bad things to say about the sender’s relationship and partner. The psychic predicted that the sender would not be able to work out any issues and that the relationship was basically doomed to fail.

It was obvious from the sender’s email that this new reading of gloom and doom for her/his relationship had caused nothing but friction and problems in the relationship. The sender was now thrown completely into doubt about her/his ability to judge her/his partner, and s/he kept asking the partner to demonstrate love, affection, and commitment. Even though the partner was apparently willing to do this, the sender could not stop thinking about the other psychic’s reading and could not pull out of the doubt and fear it had created. The reading upset the sender so much that s/he wrote to me asking if I would look at the relationship again to “make sure” I saw what I saw in my reading for her/him.

This email made me terribly sad. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed to write a blog post and get my feelings off my chest.

Here’s the big message: Please, please, please, DON’T ALLOW YOUR HAPPINESS OR UNHAPPINESS IN LIFE TO HINGE ON ANYTHING A PSYCHIC TELLS YOU. You alone are in control of your life and, therefore, your happiness. Just because a psychic sees something in the energy around you or in your future does NOT mean this is set in stone and will undoubtedly come to pass. It is an ENERGY, which means it can be manipulated in a different way. The manipulation of energy is called MAGICK. And whether you know it or not, you exercise magick every day, simply by exercising your FREE WILL. YOU ARE ALWAYS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ENERGY YOU CREATE. This is what free will and personal responsibility are all about. If you don’t like the energy in your life, CHANGE IT. This is well within your power, and you CAN do this.

There is nothing that upsets me more than hearing about (or receiving) a reading that is all about the negative stuff in someone’s life. Yes, we all have challenges. Yes, we all hit roadblocks, fail, become discouraged, etc. It is a part of life, and we need to accept that sometimes, we’re not going to be successful. But we also need to realize that we are co-creators with the Divine, and we CAN make changes when we need them in our lives. Some problems seem so big we might not be able to see how to make those changes. But sometimes, just a slight alteration in our focus or our thoughts can help us to get past a block so that we CAN see where we need to go. Baby steps may be tiny, but they can still be pointed in a good direction to help us walk a better road.

It is obvious to me that in the case of the email sender, s/he is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. S/he is falling into the following thought pattern: “The psychic said my relationship would fail. She said my partner was cheating/manipulating me/doesn’t really love me.” And so this negative thought energy builds around the sender and creates a harsh auric field. This lower vibration starts to attract more lower energy to the sender, and the negativity continues to build from there. Because s/he is suspicious of the partner, friction develops where there was none before, and before long, the relationship is in shambles. And all because of something said in a reading!

If you are dealing with problems in a relationship with someone else, start first with yourself. Do you need to change your attitude? Are your own thoughts and issues clouding your judgement? Try looking at issues from the other person’s standpoint and see if you can understand her or his side of the argument. If you’re still not happy, talk to the other person. Be honest and open. If the other person loves you, s/he will make a concerted effort to work on her or himself and the relationship with you so you both can be happy. If you are still in turmoil, go to a COUNSELOR, not a psychic. A counselor is educated in how to help you address each other and your relationship issues. Make a commitment to work on the relationship.

Psychics and mediums can help you, and we can see what your energy is like right now and into the future. But please remember these words that are printed on a sign I have in my office lobby (courtesy of my dear office mate, Joanne):


Some things may not change. You may lose your house, your job, your marriage, your 401(k). If this is the energy around you, and there is a significant lesson for you to learn in this loss, it may still happen. But you can change your attitude and do as much as you can to make the energy softer, easier, and less debilitating if you have to go through it. This is why magick is beneficial, and why it brings you peace of mind even in the midst of turmoil.

Please remember: most psychics and mediums are professionals, trained to give the best messages they can with the most accuracy possible. And you STILL have the power to change what is predicted, simply by making other choices and exercising your free will.

I send you all love, joy, and peace.


The Powerful I AM


I am currently preparing for the publication of my first novel, Merlyn’s Raven, and I am doing a lot of online interviews that will go up around the time of that publication on April 17. Inevitably, in every interview, I start by answering the following prompt: “Tell us a little about yourself.” Often, my response starts with, “I am a wife, a mother…” etc., and I go on defining myself through these “I am” statements. This brought to my mind the topic for this post, which I also spoke about at my church, the USCL, yesterday.

I AM is a very bold statement. It is a statement of identity. When we proclaim I AM, it clearly defines us in a very specific way. When we use an I AM statement, we are declaring a truth about ourselves. “I am a wife.” “I am a mother.” “I am an accountant/truck driver/lawyer/counselor/soccer player” etc., whatever the case may be. We are confidently declaring to the world how we see ourselves and how we expect to be seen by others.

Interestingly, these I AM statements come directly from Creator. In Exodus 3:13, we read the following:

But Moses said to God, “If I come to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ what shall I say to them? God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” He said further, “Thus you shall say to the Israelites, “I AM has sent me to you.”

(The Harper Collins Study Bible)

In this passage, God goes on to tell Moses to call him THE LORD, which translates to the Hebrew letters YHWH, which we say as YAHWEH. This is connected to the Hebrew verb “hayah,” which means “to be.” What is God saying here? Many scholars believe He is commenting on His infinite nature, the fact that God is and always will be. He is commenting on the fact that everything is connected to God and has within it the essence of God, for in order for anything “to be,” it must have the essence of being, which is ultimately God. Whew. That’s very deep, isn’t it? Let’s come back to that concept in a moment.

When I was writing my book about Metatron, I included a section of channeled writings directly from the Archangel. When I did this through automatic writing, I went into an altered state and simply typed whatever Metatron channeled through me. I noticed something very interesting after I read these passages in my “normal” state: any time Metatron made an I am statement, he capitalized both words: I AM. He did this every time. I have no memory of this, but it was obviously important. When I asked Metatron about this, he said that he was affirming in a visual way his connection to Creator, the ultimate I AM, and that we should all recognize our inherent connection to Creator this way. By saying I AM, we are affirming our Divinity and opening a channel for God’s grace, wisdom, healing, and power to flow through us. In other words, we ourselves are God.


That’s a very powerful and very profound thought, isn’t it? We ourselves are God. We ourselves are infinite and powerful. We ourselves are capable of anything and everything, just as God is capable of anything and everything.

I was thinking about this and how Jesus used this statement, too. In John 14: 4-10, we read the following:

“Thomas said to him, ‘Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I AM the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.’

Philip said to him, ‘Lord, show us the Father, and we shall be satisfied.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, Show us the Father? Do you not believe that I AM in the Father and the Father is in me?’

Unlike some people, I don’t believe in this passage that Jesus is telling his disciples that he is the only way for people to connect with God. I believe he is using himself as an example of the fulfillment of the I AM energy, the great reflection of the God potential in us all. Jesus says boldly, I AM THE WAY. He is affirming that the way to God, to Infinite Intelligence, is within him, and he is reminding us that it is within all of us. Jesus holds himself up as an example and asks us to follow this example. He asks us to affirm to ourselves our I AM presence, our I AM divinity. He asks us to go within and nurture this divine essence, to honor it, and to allow it to lead us to higher spiritual truths and understandings. He reminds us that God is within us all by showing us how he and God are connected. As the great Master Teacher that he is, Jesus instructs us in how to deeply appreciate the connection within that God has gifted to every one of us.

So we come back to the concept of “being.” What are we being? When we use an I AM statement, we are affirming a reality. Can we not then use an I AM statement to create a new and better reality? I believe we can. I believe this is what affirmation statements are all about. I can’t say enough about the power of changing our thoughts into positive statements of intention. I believe this makes such a difference because we are directly tapping into divine energy every time we say I AM in an affirmation. And how can we not bring positive power to our intention if we are accessing the ultimate divine energy?

So today, I urge you to make a commitment to yourself. Promise yourself that you will access this divine energy every day in using personal affirmation, I AM statements. They can be whatever you want or need them to be, but make a point to state them out loud. This is prayer energy mixed with intention energy. This is direct access to our powerful God-source energy within. And this is what Creator tells us is possible for us. What are we waiting for? Let’s use this immensely powerful gift from God!

So try this for yourself. I have listed here some powerful I AM statements. If one doesn’t resonate for you, your Higher Self will know it, and it will not affirm that. That’s OK—use and affirm the statements that are right for you at this time. Or make up some of your own. But use the powerful I AM energy to create a new and better life for yourself.

I AM powerful.

I AM beautiful.

I AM Divine.

I AM strong.

I AM healthy.

I AM smart.

I AM peaceful.

I AM prosperous.

I AM creative.

I AM abundant.

I AM successful.

I AM happy.

I AM joyful.

I AM stress-free.

I AM loving.

I AM loved.

My place is the no-place

My image is without face

Neither of body nor the soul

I am of the Divine Whole.

                  –Rumi 116


Honors and Other Scary Things

Yesterday, I went to a reception for local authors given by the Ohioana Library and the Cincinnati Public Library. I’d received an invitation in the mail and really didn’t know what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised to find such a large gathering of folks at the main branch of the public library, people who really seemed excited to welcome and honor local writers for their publishing successes. The reception consisted of introductions, a panel of sports writers talking about their work (it seems there are a bunch of Cincinnati writers penning books about the Reds!), and then a presentation of certificates to the authors themselves. During the presentation of the certificates, the hosts read a brief biography about each author, which they asked us to submit beforehand. When I’d accepted the invitation to the event, I’d dashed off my “normal” biography without a second thought and sent it in. It contains the usual information about my work as a medium ,writer, and instructor–no big changes, nothing unusual.

At least, not unusual to me. But as I sat in the audience yesterday, watching the other authors receive their certificates and listening to their biographies, I started to feel very nervous. Most of these people were professional writers with credentials as long as my arm. They taught at the university level or wrote for magazines and newspapers. Some had written countless books about heavy subjects like cancer, cardiology, the architecture of Cincinnati, or the history of the Catholic Church. Many of them had a “Doctor” in front of their names, and lots had awards out the yin-yang. And as I started sweating my background, I started to wonder how my biography would sound to all of these learned, intellectual people. What would they think of a clairvoyant medium? Would they chuckle and shake their heads over my references to Tarot reading or angels? I could just hear the snickers and the whispers as I sat there, my folded hands clutched together in an ever-tightening death grip.

Worse, what would my children think? They sat next to me, politely paying attention, well-trained from their 9 years in Episcopal school, where they sit through chapel services every week. Would they hear their mom’s biography and sink lower in their seats? Would they be embarrassed if someone in the audience laughed as I walked up to accept my certificate?

Boy, your mind can do terrible things to you, can’t it?

When my name was read out (and mispronounced, as usual), I stood and started up the aisle. It felt like I was walking in a dream, underwater, with no clothes on. I was glad I didn’t have to say anything except “thank you” to the woman handing out the certificates because I was afraid my voice wouldn’t work. When I turned to face the gathering, I spotted my husband on the side aisle, the family camera in hand. I tried to smile, but I’m sure it looked more like a grimace. I haven’t yet looked at the pictures he took; I think I’m afraid I’ll be as white as a sheet. Everything seemed amplified: the lights, brighter; the sound, magnified; my feelings of dread, intense enough to turn my stomach.

But you know what? No one laughed. At least, I didn’t see it if they did. I didn’t notice any disbelieving, shaking heads, either. And I wasn’t pelted with tomatoes. I made it back to my seat in one piece, and I sat there, staring at my certificate with the tremor in my hands melting away.

Now, why would I feel this way? Why would I assume the worst at a moment when I should be proud and happy?

It’s hard to say. Sometimes I am still afraid to speak up for my beliefs. There remains a small part of me that wants more than anything to be accepted, liked, and respected by everyone. EVERYONE. This is, I know, completely unrealistic, and yet I can’t deny that the feeling is there. I don’t like confrontation; I don’t like to have to fight for anything, because I’ve never been a good fighter. I prefer peace; I prefer compromise; I definitely prefer everyone getting along. But the world isn’t always like that, is it? Sometimes, you have to stick up for yourself. Sometimes, you have to voice an unpopular opinion because it’s the right thing to do. Sometimes, you have to realize that not everyone is going to agree with you, or, worse yet, that some people may downright not like you for what you believe, say, or do. And you have to be able to live with that.

Over the years, I know I’ve come a long way in this department. It has never been easy or comfortable for me to voice a dissenting opinion. It has been extremely difficult for me to show emotions like anger or grief because, as a child, I wasn’t allowed to have these feelings. I was expected to always be happy, sunny, and/or quiet. Only one person in my household was allowed to have feelings, and it wasn’t me. I have always been a peacemaker, a referee, the one who smoothes things over and makes it nice. I still do this; I accept that this is part of my nature, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing to embrace. And yet, I’ve learned some things about myself and the world around me. I’ve learned that I have the right to believe the things I do and to live the way I want to live, as long as I’m not hurting myself or anyone else in the process. I’ve learned it’s OK to demand respect and to have the expectation that I deserve it. I’ve learned that I’ve worked long and hard to get where I am, and in recognizing my own divinity, that I should love myself and the journey that has brought me to this place. I have learned that I can and should defend myself if I’m backed into a corner (there may be another post coming soon about this), and I should be proud of who I am, no matter what others think of me.

So, even though I’ve learned all of this, I still get nervous sometimes. Just like yesterday. And yet I was relieved and happy when things turned out well. I did belong at that reception. I worked arduously on my books, and it’s nice to receive some recognition for the work. And maybe, just maybe, someone will pick up one of the books who wouldn’t have before, because they remember seeing me there and thinking, “Well, isn’t that an interesting subject to explore?”

After the presentation, they served refreshments. As I stood in line for punch with my boys (who, after all, didn’t seem the least bit embarrassed to be seen with me), a lady approached and asked, “Are you the medium?”

“Yes,” I said with a smile.

“Can I have your card?”

I handed her one with steady hands. Will she call me? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I was there, and it was a good experience.

Blessings to you all this fine day.


When The Tower Shakes Things Up

Oh, that scary Tower in the Tarot deck. It’s not a pretty card, and most of us, myself included, really hate to see it in a reading:


Doesn’t look like a happy card, does it? And do you see that female figure on the right side of the card? The one falling head-first to the ground, screaming for all she’s worth? Recognize her?

You don’t? 

Well, it’s me.

And that guy in the red cape, falling down on the left side, that’s my husband. Aren’t we a lovely couple?

Actually, we are. We’ve just had the rug pulled out from under us, is all. Usually, we’re much quieter people. Right now, though, we’re a bit…rattled. That’s because the energy of The Tower has overshadowed our lives once again.

We’ve been here before. In 2002, right around the same time of the year, the company my husband worked for closed its doors. He literally went in for work one morning and came home jobless by lunchtime. That’s how quickly it happened. We’d been on a short spring break vacation with our boys the week before, and the loss of his job blindsided us. He was out of work until September. In that time, though, he was able to finish the novel he’d been struggling to complete, which was the silver lining inside of that cloud. Still, I was thankful when he found another job. Money worries went away, and I felt secure again.

This time, it’s been a little different. My husband has been suspicious for several weeks now that something was going on at work. Sometimes I think he should be the professional psychic in the family–he’s very perceptive, and he’d told me about the energies he’d picked up on around the office. You’d think by now I’d’ve learned to pay attention. Did I? No. Ever since our son was ill last summer, I’ve been craving security, trying to hang onto what semblance of “normal” that I can. I didn’t want anything to rock the boat. I’ve put off new projects and ideas I’ve had for my business so that I could recover, emotionally, mentally, and physically, from the ordeal of caring for a sick child. Now that our son is doing better, I’ve been enjoying where we are in our lives and feeling like, perhaps, I can breathe again.

A perfect chance for Tower energy to come in and shake it all up. 

My husband lost his job yesterday. His company eliminated his position. In our household, he is the primary source of income and our source of insurance. As a self-employed person, I work part-time in my office as a bodyworker and reader, and, having just completed my third book, I was looking forward to taking some time off to relax a bit.

It seems that the Universe has other plans.

The energy of The Tower can be likened to an earthquake. It shakes up your world, causing old thoughts, ideas, and issues to be exposed and sifted out of your life. Sometimes, it can be a test of faith, or a time to ask, “What do I really believe?” For me, at this time, my head reels through all of the usual worries. Mortgage, office rent, tuition payments, insurance, food, everyday expenses–where will all of this money come from if my spouse is out of work? How will we make ends meet? What will we have to sacrifice? What will my husband do now?

When we’re caught in the throes of The Tower’s initial energy, it can be overwhelming. I’d be lying if I told you I was fine with all of this. When my husband called me yesterday at my office to tell me what had happened, I was stunned. I kept repeating, “I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it.” I think what I should’ve said instead, more truthfully, was, “I don’t want to believe it.” Because I didn’t want to believe this could happen to us again. I wanted safety, and the Universe gave me chaos energy instead. I could tell you that I took a deep breath and straightened my spine to face the storm. In reality, I cried and cried once my client left the office. 

But what is chaos energy? It’s a way to shake up what’s in our lives, a way to force us to evaluate and to get rid of what’s no longer needed, what no longer serves our larger purpose. I know that my husband wasn’t happy at his job. He was often bored, and although he has many, many skills, he wasn’t able to use them. My heart tells me that there is something better for him to be doing, something that will challenge him in a positive way to use his talents and to really make a difference somewhere. This is what I pray will happen for him. I want him to be happy in his work, as I usually am. I want him to feel he is accomplishing what he needs to in this world. I want him to grow and learn and be the very best he can be.

I know, deep down, that this is what The Tower is delivering to us now: opportunity. Yes, it’s scary. There are things in my life I don’t want to give up. I know that the Universe is abundance, and if we can keep our minds in a positive state and recognize that abundance, we can tap into it. This is what I’m trying hard to do right now. 

I know this is an opportunity for me as well, a time to reassess the projects I’ve been considering and possibly to expand my business in new ways. I may not have all the answers yet, but I think Spirit is asking me to look at the possibilities and not be afraid to try new things. It will take me some time to sort it out, but I will make the effort to do so.

And so…with the energy of The Tower swirling around us, my husband and I will pick ourselves up from the rocks, dust ourselves off, survey what has fallen away from our landscape, and repair our lives, knowing that what grows now will be more beautiful than what has been here before.

Affirmation for today: “I am safe and stable. I am one with the Universe and the Divine. I am powerful and positive. I create what I need, knowing that there is only abundance in the Universe.”

Be well, my friends…and if the Tower is causing tremors in your life, hold fast to what matters most: love. That’s what I’ll be doing, too.

Thoughts After A Funeral

Funerals are strange events. They are about community and family and memory and shared grief, and they always leave me feeling wrung out, exhausted, and pensive. This funeral was no exception.

It was for the father of a close friend from high school. I met T. on the first day of 9th grade, scared and feeling alone in a new school filled with talking, laughing, confident girls wearing navy blue uniform skirts and lugging backpacks crammed with textbooks. We hit it off instantly, and soon we were spending after-school and weekend hours together at her house or mine. She always wanted to come to my house because we had cable television, and MTV had dawned not too long before, back when they still played music videos. I, on the other hand, preferred to go to her place because her parents were so, so cool. Her mom, so young and beautiful, always smiling, and her dad, handsome and perpetually happy, made me feel glad to be alive, especially in the throes of my teenage angst. My parents, so much older and so overbearing (that was, of course, how I saw them then) were everything T.’s parents weren’t. Going to their home was liberating and special. They even took me (and T., of course) to my first rock concert, something I could never expect my parents to do. As an adopted child, I’d always dreamed of what my biological parents had been like. I imagined them being just like S. and J.

T. and I stayed close through high school, and I always considered S. and J. dear to my heart. When we graduated and went to separate colleges, T. and I tried to keep in touch, but phone calls and get-togethers were fewer and farther between. We attended each other’s weddings, though, and I was thrilled to see her and her folks again. Now, with her living in another city, we’ve kept in touch via Facebook and e-mail, and we sat and chatted animatedly at our high school reunion a few years back. Her mom said to us once, “You two will always be friends. You’ll always re-connect, even if you lose touch.” She was certainly right.

When I opened T.’s e-mail the other day, I wasn’t expecting to read the news that J. had passed. He was only 60 years old, and for as long as I could remember, he’d been a runner and a bicycle rider, in excellent physical shape. But apparently his heart betrayed him as he ran on the treadmill, and he passed away just that quick. I couldn’t help thinking of my own mother when I learned how he’d died; my mom had suffered a massive heart attack and died instantly while mowing the lawn. Of course, she was 11 years older when she’d passed, but an unexpected death always leaves you reeling, no matter the age of your loved one. I knew exactly how T. must’ve felt because I’d stood in her very shoes not too long before.

So my husband and I attended the evening visitation, and I went to the funeral service yesterday morning. I didn’t know anyone there except for T., her mother, and their very close family members, but a huge crowd turned out. Three gentlemen, a friend, a co-worker, and a brother, gave lovely eulogies about J., and the montage of photographs set to “You’ve Got a Friend,” among other songs, were highlights of the service. And yes, I cried, the feeling of loss sitting heavy in my chest like a stone gargoyle on a church facade. I hadn’t seen T.’s dad for years, but I cried anyway, remembering J.’s smile, the way he’d make us laugh when we had a sleepover in high school, how proud he’d looked on T.’s wedding day when he danced with her at the reception. The men who spoke from the pulpit all talked about his love of family, his ability to listen, his passion for staying healthy, and his easy-going manner. I remember all of these qualities, too, and I cried for their losses, each of those men that spoke, and for the family that would miss J. most of all.

As I followed the long line of cars in the funeral procession, I thought about all of the things people had said about T.’s dad, and I couldn’t help wondering what people might say about me if I were to die tomorrow. Would folks call me giving, a good listener, a special friend? Would I be remembered as a loving spouse, a gentle and compassionate parent, a supportive ally, a role model, an accomplished professional? What mark am I leaving on the world and on those around me? Is it anything like J.’s indelible one, one that people will always recall with a respectful sigh and a smile? I wonder.

My friend’s dad inspired a lot of people, and I am among them. If half of the good memories and happy times spoken of at that funeral are recalled at mine, I think I’ll have done OK in this mortal existence. 


Thank you, J., for the gifts you gave to me in your lifetime, and for the lessons you’re still teaching me now that you’ve made your transition. I’ll never forget you, and I hope I can live my life in a way similar to the way you lived yours.

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